I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
