D3 body, D1 cock
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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