The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
