I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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