I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
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Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
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I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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