it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
