fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
how does that bad decision feel?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
