quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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