I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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