one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
