ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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