Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And then my night got REAL pukey
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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