he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
