part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
