apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
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did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
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He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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