I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
