I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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