You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm at about main and main street
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
