Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
