It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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