I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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