just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
