I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
