I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
