like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
