I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
