Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
