I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
