you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
