Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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