I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
