i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
