Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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