Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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