Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well I just put wine in my tea
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
