Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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