Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize