there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
