My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
