after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
