Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
