bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
