He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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