There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
