I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
