Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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