So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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