I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
