have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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