so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
