he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
