i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
and she was petting her beer can
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
