We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
