I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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