when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Is it because I queefed?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
