hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
