Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
