Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
