Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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