After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
