at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize